Link's Crispy Dilemma
by AsSRape69
Summary: Link faces his toughest challenge yet, saving Hyrule from a new threat never before seen in the Zelda Universe.


Link's Crispy Dilemma

It was a fine day in Hyrule. The chickens were bathing themselves in the blood of their enemies after feasting on their innards. The battle of man vs chicken was a long and arduous one with much pissing occurring on both sides. In the end the chickens had enslaved the Hylians making them their bitches. Deep within the castle the dreaded chicken lord kept princess Zelda forcing her to sit atop mountains of eggs and debasing her with various fowl sex acts.

Link was beside hisself with terror hiding in a barrel with soiled undergarments. He was then visited by some weird fairy that looked like Paula Dean. "Hey Shuga," the fairy quipped "I'm the ghost of chicken's past but y'all can call me Titz McKenzie."

Link took a long gulp of air trying to not notice the melting stick of butter melting betwixt her cleavage. "Sup girl." He saided.

You need to go ahead n wipe dat shit off dem drawers and go into the forest and seek the wizard or some shit like that. I was told to come here but I need to go home to deep fry more pudding and rub one off. See ya later ya filthy nigger!" The fairy exploded in a poof of farts and was gone.

Link new what he must dew. Being careful to not trigger the oceanic rage of his chicken overlords Link snuck into the forest using sneaky ass magic bean soup. He learned how to make it using his anus and some rotting tree bark. The nature of things was quite amazing in this world of chickens.

Pooner or later he arrived at what appeared to be a large white cardboard bucket in the the middle of the forest. An ethereal being appeared from it with white, hair and beard with old-timely glasses. It' supposed to be Colonel Sanders if you stupid fuckers reading this haven't figured that out. He spoke in a pleasant southern drawl "I though I told that fat cunt to tell y'all to clean up dem drawers boy. Goddamn I mean PEEYOO!"

"Sorry but it arouses my penis." Responded Link. "It keeps the chickens asleep in my nightmares."  
"I don't want to think about that boy." Said the Colonel. "Now listen here. We need to put these beaked cocksuckers back in line or else I won't be able to feed that fatass fairy and she'll get a hankering to start bumpin uglies with me again. Now son my wrinkly old dick just ain't got the gumption for that kind of parlance anymore ya hear? So take this here Sword of Eleven Herbs and Spices and give them clucking bastards what for so my dick don't get bent anymore than it already has!"

Link brandished the sword. It was black and resembled a large penis. I mean of course it did right? "How do I use this papa?" He asked the Colonel.

"I ain't ya papa son. And fuck if I no just trying hitting them chickens with that sonofabitch. IT'S FINGER LICKIN GOOOOOOOOOD" and the Colonol disappeared back into the bucket probably saying something racist under his breath.

Trials and tribulations occurred. There was also shitting and boners. At the end of it all Link arrived at the chicken lord's chambers.

When he peaked in a harrowing scene ensued. Zelda was hogtied and naked with a large cartoon rooster slamming her from behind: "I say I say, now that's a tight little cooter ya got there little lady!"

"Stop fiend!" Yelled link sword in hand and shit in pant.

"I say-I said-I say now what in tarnation is a with this here rabble here boy! How dare you enter the chambers of Emperor Leghorn! Die!"

The battle was short. The rooster's penis was lopped off with them penis sword and the great king instantly became extra crispy. A great southern cuisine was made. The scent of that delicious crispy skin wafted over Hyrule and all the chickens were roasted instantly by it somehow. The black people were very pleased and feasted for many fort night. The ghost of chicken's past then came and ate Foghorn Dickhorn in the most grotesque way imaginable. The noises of her gulping the flesh of that great bird were felt in the nightmares of great knights for ages. She then enslaved all of the black people. The Colonel's penis was safe. For now.

Later that evening Link had finally cleaned his shit pants and was about to finally get it on with the princess. When she saw his dick she said: "I'm sorry but I prefer REAL cock!" They both laughed but didn't fuck. Link was disappointed but lived fappily ever masturbating with turdy hands and eating chicken. Zelda dated several black men but later died from aids. All was well and Hyrule didn't have Chic-filet for a century.


End file.
